Girl Strong

Half way through the year and I am still blogging. Yes, my posts have slipped from the original 4 a month to only 3 but at least it is better than 2? This month’s focus is Why Worry? I think when I devised “The Plan” containing each months focus back in January, I assumed I would be stressed/ teetering on the break of depression due to my non-existent life plan/ a little worried about what comes next? What to do when one (finally) graduates college? What identify shifts have taken place during your expensive 4 (in my case, 5) year college experience?

Well, here I sit, a graduate; and though there may be some lurking fears of what my next move in life should be, I know I’m definitely not worried about my identity. A huge part of that identity: being a girl.

I’m not worried about being a girl in the “real world”. I’ve learned how powerful, magical, and downright awesome it is to be a girl. In fact, I love being a girl.

I love that I can feel things openly and honestly. I don’t have to hide behind a society driven, gender based idea that showing emotion is a sign of “weakness.” Wait, what? Showing emotion, to me, is a sign of humanness and I’m down with the human thing.  Maybe I’m ahead of the times?

I love that I can cry.

I love that my mom never told me to hold my tears, but the opposite; to let them all out. To let every consuming, frustrating emotion out in the form of tears because if not, they can turn toxic, kept in, locked up, wrapped within, suffocating inside you.

I love my boney shoulders and my thighs THAT TOUCH more every day because they are my own interpretation of the beautiful female body.

I love that I have the independence to take care of myself but the trust to confine in a boyfriend who helps. A boyfriend who brings out the best in me (most days..) but deals with the worst.

I love that I have the confidence to admit I have bad days and the vitality to know that’s okay.

And that it’s okay not to hide the fun parts of being a girl. So what if I take longer to get ready? Look at my long fluttering eye lashes, that I applied at least 4 different types of mascara to, and swoon. I love it. I love my too-high heels and red lipstick on Girls Night Out. I love my long hair that some people admire and others hate. It’s okay to love things that make you girly.

And it’s also okay that I will never be able to run as fast, swim as hard, or lift as much as the average guy. It is okay because I’m not worried about being a girl, remember?

Being a girl gives me my own strengths. Strengths that I am not worried about ever becoming irrelevant or unnecessary. Actually I think the opposite will happen. I’m not worried that Girl Strengths won’t, one day, be recognized for the vital human attributes that they are.*

Stay Girl Strong.                                                                                                                                                  Stay tuned.. –a.

*& I’m down with the human thing, remember? ;)

commitment phobe?

Summer days of tanning oil and nights of illegal drinking have been long gone. My responsibilities  extended past eat, pool, drink, sleep, repeat when I started college.  I worked through summer vacations during my college years, but my summer schedule changed every year. In fact, my life schedule changed every 3-4 months. With each new semester came new classes, new days I babysat, and new people in my life. I loved it. Each semester was like a new mini chapter in my pretty little life. I took things that worked (ie: later classes) and left things that didn't (ie: early classes) from the previous semester and applied it to the next. My life was constantly changing, constantly evolving. It never had time to get boring.

But.. what now?

The rest of my life is wide open for Bore Fest USA. I'll be expected to have a consistent schedule for longer than 3-4 months. I'll be a slave to structure. Nothing will change. The baristas at one specific Starbucks will begin to know me and my order (Grande Iced Coffee w/2 pumps of White Mocha, a splash of half&half, with whip cream*). I'll become a "regular with the complicated order" instead of the status I currently obtain, "chick with the complicated order," at Starbucks all around the Bay Area.  I'll have a scheduled time to do yoga instead of sitting on my ass for 6 months because I am one of those all-or-nothing annoying people. If I can't fully commit to yoga 3x a week, why do it at all? Wait. This is a positive thing about having a consistent, structured life.............. my next post..................

So.. where am I now?

My summer vacations are vanishing all together. I will probably be taking out piercings before getting  new ones. Thoughts of permanency and judgements that would come from getting another tattoo will keep me awake at night. 10PM will soon become late. While 10AM will be time for my mid-morning snack, instead of the time I used to sleep in until. I'll have to get used to people telling me when to be at work. I'll have to be in the same place, with the same people, for 8 hours a day, for a large number of days. I will run the risk of becoming bored with my thus far, pretty little (lively due to constant change) life, and honestly, I'm freakin'** out.


Stay tuned.. -a.





*I love you Kasey ;)

**freakin' vs. freaking. I debated for about 2 minutes..

San Jose.. The new Big Apple?

I've discovered it is important to take the opportunity to love the places you spend the most time in.  It just adds to your overall happiness, automatically worth it. 

I’ve never dealt well with change. I had my mom walk me to my locker the first weeks of middle school. I cried the first days of high school. I toughened up (a little bit) when I started community college. I didn’t need my mom to walk me to my classes and I didn’t cry. I was doing good. &then she told me we were moving... to Redwood City. About a 20 minute drive from San Mateo, not a big deal. A normal, well-adjusted human could have handled this without a worry.  I, on the other hand, could not get used to my new life in Redwood City. I remember making my mom drive past the Trader Joe’s close to our house, and take me to the one in my old hood. I would tell people I “only slept” in Redwood City but I lived in San Mateo. I still went to school there, worked there, and all my friends were there. 

I eventually came around, started to actually like Redwood City, and even claimed it as my place of residency. I love my little Audrey Hepburn inspired room and I can spend hours on my triple-mattress high bed. I (used to, before I became a lazy sack..) walk up the hill by my house and revel in the beauty of the neighborhood. I’m a frequent at the coffee shop down the street. I’ve transferred pharmacies and don’t dread spending time in our local Trader Joe’s. I’ve accepted my happy life in Redwood City, home. 

But now I’m spending more time even farther down south, San Jose. I go to school there. (I did cry on my first day at State but because I couldn’t find the shuttle stop, not because I couldn’t adjust!) My boyfriend and some friends live down there. My internship is located in the sunny southern city. As mentioned in previous posts, in an effort to justify my lack of physical movement this semester, I walk to my internship from SJSU. Twice a week I walk through the  streets of San Jose. I walk by the homeless people on the corner and behind the busy men and women in their fancy work clothes. I know the oneway streets and J walk when I’m late (everyday). I run across the Light-rail tracks and know where my bank’s ATM is located. I get a rush on the streets on San Jose that I’ve only felt in New York City. 

I visited the Big Apple for the first time when I was 18 and I fell in-love. I wanted to live there. I had to live there one day! I’ll never forget my first experience in New York. I won’t forget my pulse quickening as I stepped off the airport shuttle onto 5th Avenue or the little girl excitement that overcame  me as I walked through Central Park. I won’t forget the simple moment when I spilt a scone and coffee with one of my best friends, and favorite travel buddy, in Greenwich, or the delicious cupcakes we had in a park. Food tasted better there. Life moved at the pace I wanted it to. I was addicted. I had to come back...

And then I did, a few weekends ago, and my dire obsession with moving to New York had faded. The city was fun, but it wasn’t my city. The city didn’t offer me the same life shattering thrills as it had 4 years earlier. The city was the same, but I had changed. 

I still love New York and will continue to visit. I’ll treasure and rave about my traveling days to city that never sleeps but in the end, I want to sleep and live in my cities. My Redwood City and my San Jose. I’ve grown to love these places. 

&Maybe I would grow to love New York City one day too, but I havne’t grown to adapt yet... so for now, San Jose is my new Big Apple. 

Stay tuned.. -a. 

Taken Opportunity

May’s focus involved realizing who I know. It's not what you know, it's who you know, right? 

Current opportunities have proved this to be true in my life. I am interning for a great non-profit right now and start a summer internship with a technology company next month. Did I mention both internships are paid?! Life is good, but I don't feel like writing about my connections for the next month. Therefore, I'm slightly changing the focus. This month will now be about capitalizing on opportunity.

5 years ago I was a semester deep into community college. I didn't have a job, besides random babysitting gigs, and I wasn't necessarily looking for one. I was completely content with walking to school everyday (I lived close and didn't have a car), coming home to the cozy apartment I shared with my mom (rent free lifestyle), and alternating between napping and catching up on hours of Friends and SNL stored on my DVR. 

Along with living a complete lax life, one of my best, most epic, friendships had just begun. We met in dance class on both of our first days of college. I can still remember the early, carefree days of our friendship, getting to know each other through adventures to the City and strolls around school. The time we took the train South instead of North, but it didn’t matter because we had no where to be anyway. Our endless days of sleepovers and endless hours of conversations. Our constant contact because life was still simple. I not only became close to her but her aunt, uncle, and new baby cousin, whom she lived with, became a significant part of my life as well. 

Her aunt was 9 months pregnant the first time I met her. The next time I saw her, she had an adorable baby boy in her arms. I remember sitting in their living room revealing in the preciousness of new life, when she asked me if I was looking for a part-time babysitting job. There I sat, not exactly partaking in the job hunt, but I said yes to the opportunity anyway. 

I started babysitting for their family within the next two months and stayed for two years. A year into babysitting for them, they had another baby. A girl this time. I was honored to stay with both children. Around this time I also started working for another family. I would pick up an older girl from school and drive her to various activities. My babysitting “career” was expanding and it has continually grown. I work for an average of 3 families a week now, ranging from 2 to 3 babysitting jobs a day. 

It has been a good 5 years because I capitalized on an opportunity. I have been able to travel to San Diego over a dozen times, New York, Boston, Washington DC, London, and Hawaii with the money and flexibility babysitting gives me. I buy coffee from Starbucks everyday of my life. I own my own car. I am able to go on adventures and buy magical things. Best of all I’m graduating with a BA in Communication at the end of the month.

It’s a pretty little life.

Stay tuned.. -a. 

red velvet

As previous mentioned, this is not the greatest month to focus on getting fit. 

I’m on a flight to New York and I just consumed a giant red velvet cupcake, my absolute favorite sweet treat. This actually has nothing to do with the topic of this post, but it’s such a posh scenario, I was too tempted to share. The real deal involves my everlasting commitment to remaining totally inactive. 

I’ve done yoga twice this month! Twice a week used to be a mediocre excuse for preferred hours of practice. That said, it’s not like I’m sitting on the couch, munching on potato chips instead of doing sun salutations. I’m busy with school, graduating, my internship (which I walk to BTW), dinners, parties, drinks with friends, dates with my boyfriend, writing, and Farmer’s Market adventures. I’m busy with living. Is this a valid excuse? Maybe not for some. But it is for me, for now. 

It’s my last semester of college! Soon I’ll have a 9-5 (fingers crossed!), a scheduled pretty little life and appropriated allotted amounts of time to get fit. Maybe I’m delusional but it seems like it will be a whole lot easier to designate time and energy to namaste when my life isn’t so sporadic. But right now it’s chaotic and I’m reveling in it. I’m enjoying traveling to another continent for five days and New York for the weekend. I’m savoring my tiny pieces of heaven disguised as delectable red velvet cupcakes. I’m sake bombing and staying up late. In less than a month I’ll be graduating and experiencing a lifestyle change. Until then I’m doing all things lazy and crazy instead of downward dog.

Stay tuned.. -a. 

Attempt #2

It’s hard to Get Fit, and even harder to get back into the habit of actually tackling this months focus. It’s now two weeks into April and I can’t say I’ve done a whole lot to achieve my Get Fit goal. I was throw back into the craziness of life when I returned from overseas travel on Tuesday and have yet to roll out my yoga mat. I honestly thought I would do something in the U.K. but aside from London sightseeing, aka walking around the entire day, and getting down on the dance floor at the wedding I attended, I did squat.

Despite my lack of movement on foreign soil, and my abundant consumption of vino, I don’t feel bad. It was a stellar time and I’m glad not a second of it was wasted on the regular, non-vacay, task of exercising. However, now that I’m home, I have to face the reality that my priorities have slightly shifted. While last semester, I would wake up at the crack to do yoga before class, I now opt for an extra hour of shut eye. Currently, in my few spare hours, maintaining contact with girlfriends over coffee or cocktails is more important than pilaties. Walking my 40 minute route, even if it is raining, is a lost concept to me.

Consequently, I can barely touch my toes when I used to have the flexibility to rest my palms on the floor. So, yes, life has been insane with goodness as of recent and I don’t dare complain, but it’s time to get real and for real Get Fit in the last 2 weeks of April.

Stay tuned.. -a.

Girl look at that body... I (used to) work out

This months focus is to Get Fit. I obviously wasn't thinking about conflicting travel plans when I decided what each months focus would be. I am leaving for London in 2 days for a week and then traveling to New York for a weekend at the end of the month. It is going to be a challenge to Get Fit this month but I'm determined.

I consider myself a mediocre yogi. I'm not crazy flexible, I don't understand meditation, and I don't shop at Lululemon*. But I am pretty flexible, I understand the importance of breathing throughout my practice, and I can't deny living in yoga pants for the greater part of the past 5 years. I've been practicing since I was 18. I've attended weekly classes at my community college, taken advantages of monthly deals and Groupons, and have no shame in rolling out my yoga mat in the living room for a quick yoga sesh with Fitness TV on OnDemand.

Towards the end of November last year I tried bikram yoga. A local studio had a 30 Days for 30 Dollars deal going on. I think I made it to 5 classes before I came down with the flu. I believe bikram yoga gave me the flu. I may be biased when I say this yoga practice caused me illness, but sweaty people cramped into a tiny, hot ass, germ invested studio doesn't sound sanitary to me.

I spent the last week of November with shakes, sweats, aches, chills, fever, and up chuck. It was possibly the worst week of my life. (Background information: in my 22 years of this lifetime, I have never had the flu before this awful, dreadful week.) I have attended 3 yoga classes since this week from hell. That's right. You read right. I've spent a full 4.5 hours (each class was an hour and a half) getting fit in the past 4 months! This is not okay.

From January's focus, Know Thyself, I know that I don't mesh well with drastic changes. From February's focus, Deal w/Food Noise, I've learned that if I have a plan to "only eat this and none of this" I feel pressured and end up eating all of everything. Add in this months travels, and there is no way I can commit to a scheduled Get Fit agenda. Therefore, I have a tentative plan to do something physical for at least 45 minutes every other day. This might seem like small exercising goals to some, like my boyfriend who is training for an Iron Man (sexy man), but for me it seems perfect. I have no desire to run a marathon, loose weight, or look like a Victoria's Secret model. (Third one is a lie but I'm not tall enough anyway...) My focus to Get Fit is to stay healthy.

Yesterday, I did absolutely nothing. Today, I have already walked about 2 miles around San Jose, from school to Starbucks, back to school and then to my internship. I am planning on doing a short yoga sesh (maybe 20 minutes?) after dinner. Hopefully I can continue my Get Fit focus in another country.

What exercises can be done on a 11 hour flight...?

Stay tuned.. -a.

*But wouldn't a true yogi bypass the trendy, overpriced yoga wear and practice in chemical free, undyed clothing? Something to debate.