worrier

Reflecting on my everyday life, and this months focus Why Worry?, I realize I worry all the FREAKIN' time! It's consuming, draining, and probably a form of OCD... but I can't cure it! My thoughts creep to horrible places if I let them, and sometimes even if I try to stop them they still claim victory. 

Those stealth little suckers..

I've had troubles falling asleep my entire life. "Stop thinking Ashley and go.to.SLEEP" my mom would say on the 3rd, 4th, 5th time she would check on me. 

It still haunts me. I can't fall asleep without a solid 20 minute think/worry sesh. And now, with a little "life experience" and a lot of late-night-how-fucked-up-is-our-world-really?-news watching, worrying has crept it's way into my thoughts before bed and intertwined itself into my everyday existence. 

If I need to talk to someone and they don't answer their phone, I freak. In reality, my loved ones are probably being functional human beings and don't need their phone attached to them every.second.of.the.day* but my mind wonders to the dark places if their phone rings its way to voicemail too many times. I have obsessively called my grandparents in the late hours of the night until they answer, just so I know they are safely tucked in bed (despite the fact that I abruptly woke them from their slumbers with my consistent phone calls).

"Sorry I woke you. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE! &Now that I've talked to you and you're awake......... I can finally sleep. Goodnight." 

Word to the wise: don't ignore me if you want to be left alone. 

I'll keep calling.

I'll be worried about you.. so ANSWER your phone and let me know that you are OKAY!** 

Also, remember to always have enough gas in your car to get home because what if there is a disaster and you have to make it home to your family (you do have a meeting place established for all fam members in case such an event occurs, right?! And an out of area contact you'll all call to assure everyone of your survival!) but you run out of gas half way to your designated meeting area and there are riots breaking out and you don't have enough gas...... You have to have enough gas.. And water! Don't forget about that precious H20 that will be the first thing people start killing over. HAVE SPARE WATER! And a land line! So you can call your out of area contact when the disaster hits because all cell phones will be obsolete and you have to assure people, your people, of your survival...

..or they'll worry..

Orrrr will everything be okay, weather you worry or have the impeccable power not to?

Does worrying ward off the dreadful woes of life? Is it a special pass that allows you to sneak through the lows life brings you unharmed and unfazed? Like if you concentrate all your energy worrying, somehow The Universe will divert disaster for you? Because you've suffered enough. You're a worrier after all...

Stay tuned.. -a. 

*I am not one of these.. I love my phone. It makes me a better, smarter individual. 

**Are you creeped out?