FOOD NOISE.. vs. FOOD VOICE

The extra day in February gives me time to squeeze in one last post before the month is over and I'm done posting about the resolution of this month, dealing w/"food noise." Except have I even written about this "food noise" I speak of? Not really... So maybe I'm doing things a little backwards this month and explaining the entire focus of the month at the end of the month..

Being a female, and growing up in America, I can't help but think about my body image. I have been raised in a society that thinks being skinny is being beautiful. I' m bombarded with images making me believe thin is in. I have fallen victim to the media and their unrealistic photo- shopped models and bony celebrities. A force that is greater than myself has made me question if I should have had that last slice of pizza.

I am currently at a healthy body weight but I would be lying if I claimed to be happy about it everyday*. Some days I want to be smaller. There are days when I obsess over everything I eat, the weight on my scale, how I feel I need my body to be in order to be beautiful. It's completely ludicrous, actually. My BMI (Body Mass Index) is 19.4, 0.9 away from being underweight (!!!) for my height, and some days I still want to be less.

I want to be less to feel like more.. It's a sad struggle but to deny that I don't deal with it would enable me from writing about what helped me overcome dealing w/"food noise" (mostly**).

As mentioned in other posts, I am a reality TV junkie and my absolute fave is Ms. Bethenny Frankel. Some of you might know she wrote a book called Naturally Thin, which has helped me deal with my, what she describes, "food noise." (Some of you also might make fun of me for buying and reading a diet book written by my favorite reality show star but I.don't.care.) Bethenny says food noise is what "...yells in your ear all day long, making you fell bad- or good, if you lost a few pounds, as if a two-pound water-weight loss makes you a better person" (Frankel, 2009, p. 24). She goes on to describe the difference between your food noise and your food voice. Your food noise allows you to binge on an entire box of cookies (it is Girl Scout cookie season, ya feel me?) because you had one cookie, so your whole day of healthy eating and food restriction is shot anyway. Your food voice tells you when you're really hungry and when you really just want a damn cookie and that it's okay to have whatever you want in moderation.

Bethenny has more helpful guidelines in her book, like Your Diet Is a Bank Account and You Can Have It All, Just Not All at Once. Dealing with my food noise was struggle but after reading her book in it's entirety, my food noise grew weaker and my food voice stronger. I don't let food stress me out anymore. It's not worth it. On an average day 90% of my food choices are good ones and that's good enough. I'm at a healthy weight and, despite having some days where my food noise is extra amped for whatever reason, I'm happy.

Stay tuned.. -a.

*IMPORTANT note: I am happy MOST days..

**Since I am a human being, and therefore not perfect, I still have my "some days" when I drank too much the night before or ate the entire burrito because the perfect combination of meat, beans, rice, guac, salsa, and sour cream, all wrapped up in a warm whole wheat tortilla was too delicious to ever stop

Frankel, B. (2009). Naturally thin. New York, NY: Fireside.

The drunchies

Drunchies: the feeling of extreme hunger after a night of boozing. Often compared to the munchies, the feeling of extreme hunger after smoking Mary J.

I'm torn between two conflicting emotions when it comes to the drunchies... On one hand, nothing prevents a hangover better than a massive burrito before bed. But on the other hand, who wants those burritos adding up and turning into muffin top? Not me.
In the past, two shots deep and I instantly wanted a cheeseburger (or worse, a hot dog from 7-11. Gross, I know). I would devour any and all food in sight and reach; Taco Bell, frozen LeanCuisines, leftover pasta, cold pizza, you name it, I ate it. Once, a best friend and I actually left a party to go eat a giant burrito I had at home. (sliver lining of my anti social, pro drunchie escape: I wasn't hung over the next AM!) Another time a few friends and I consumed a whole bag of half frozen, half microwave cooked pot stickers. (turns out, you don't care too much if you're food is still slightly frozen when the drunchies hit you..) Drinking and the drunchies was the way of the weekends until... muffin top.

Gross ass, hanging over your too-tight-jeans, muffin top.

The drunchies had to stop. No more drunken drive through trips! (If you can only eat the food when your plastered, because really? fast food is nasty, it's ill-advised to eat it at all.) No more leaving parties early to go home and eat burritos. No more eating burritos off the floor (not the highest point in my drunchie consuming history, but a funny story none the less...)! No more wishin', hopin' and prayin' that my parentals brought home leftovers from their dinner out so I could dig in before hittin' the sheets. NO MORE MUFFIN TOP!

Easier said (sober) than done (drunk).

To this day I still get cases of the drunchies but I'm better at not indulging so heavily. For example: last night was another best friends birthday and to celebrate we went out for dinner and to a bar after. Being the safe and responsible individuals that we are, we cabbed it back to my house after the festivities and instead of paying the cabbie extra to drive us through a drive through (haha) we went straight home.

I wish I could say I skipped the cal-fest all together and headed straight to bed but the parentals went out to dinner and brought home leftovers! We had french fries in da house.. (& a 1/2 a cheeseburger, clam chowder, plus a delicious looking piece of cheesecake)

2AM. Drunk. French fries, cold (again, you don't care about the temperature of your food when you have the drunchies...) , w/mustard (we ran out of ketchup). Bed. Except then I found the BBQ chips.. And had a few of those too...

Better than 2AM. Drunk. French fries, cold, w/mustard. BBQ chips. PLUS 1/2 a cheeseburger, clam chowder, and cheesecake.

I woke up this morning without muffin top or a hangover :)

Stay tuned.. -a.

Sold on Samovar Sundays

I'm hesitant to post about the gem of a eatery my boyfriend and I go to in an effort to decrease a future wait for a table... but will share anyway. Some of you San Fran adventure loving folk may already know of this treasure, but others might still be missing out on the secret. The secret of Samovar, that is. Samovar is a tea lounge and is the real San Francisco Treat if you ask me. Creatively dubbed "the tea lounge" by me and Boyfriend (do you know how to pronounce "Samovar?") it has become a monthly ritual to eat here.

Which brings me back to Sunday...

Another ritual we partake in are Farmers Markets, although this happens on a weekly basis instead of monthly. Sundays usually began with Balieys and coffee (we walk there, ok?) plus a trip to the local Farmers Market. Who doesn't love the Farmers Market, the fresh food for your week, the sounds of local musicians playing sweet tunes in the background, the falafel (!), the kettle corn, the all around goodness that is the Farmers Market? I'm sold.

So 3 out of 4 Sundays, we hit up the Farmers Market and then go on with the rest of our day... but on 1 magical Sunday a month, we go to Samovar as well. Last Sunday was Samovar Sunday.

My taste buds are adventures and rarely come across something they don't like. I enjoy every vegetable from broccoli to brussel sprouts, every cut of meat and kind of fish from lamb to squid,* and every type of food from India to Italian. Aside from spicy mustard and cilantro I can't think of a thing I dislike.

On Sunday I enjoyed a curry egg salad sandwich with sliced fuji apple on whole wheat ciabatta and a side salad with tarragon-balsamic vinaigrette. Boyfriend, who has less thrill-seeking taste buds, opted for his favorite ginger quinoa waffles. Safer choice, equally delish. Some duos may find it nice to share a pot of tea when dining on delectable bites at Samovar, we do not. We are equal parts selfish and stubborn. While I enjoy black teas with milk he enjoys every other tea, so we each get our own pot. And while he tries a new tea every month, I've stuck to the same delicious (and organic! bonus points, w/o a doubt) Lapsang Souchong. An "ancient and smoky" tea, that is "delicious with milk and sugar" every time we've been there.

Our Samovar Sundays are my favorite Sundays. Some of my favorite things; healthful, fresh foods in unique combinations, black** tea, time with Boyfriend in The City by the Bay, all experienced in one day. Again, I'm sold.

Stay tuned.. -a.


*Is squid a fish? Whatever, you get my point. &So what if I can't eat the tiny squid bodies if they're still intact? Those battered and deep-fried rings are squid as well and delicious as ever.

**only pitfall Samovar has, no coffee.. but black tea = next best thing.

nom nom nom nom

Eight days into feb and I'm finally bloging... It took me a week (or so..) to start this months resolution but I would be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about it everyday.

I am excited for February's "food noise" resolution. January "know thyself" was fun (at first) and somewhat beneficial but how many self-revaluations can a girl have in a month- ya feel me? Compared to this months resolution, dealing with food, hello- I eat everyday, I'll have oodles to blog about. (If I can get off Facebook for long enough to BLOG ABOUT IT...)

I consider nutrition an interesting subject (I'd probably major in it if tons of bio classes weren't required) and if you know me at all, you know I'm obsessed with organic foods, Trader hoes, and nutrition labels. Those "8 sliming foods" or "healthy snacks to grab on the go" articles are reading candy for me. I've had friends ask me for noshing advice on more than one occasion. Admittedly, I probably get annoying at times with my constant advocation for healthy alternatives opposed to the crap some people consider food but what is more important than what you eat?! Rule of thumb: if you can't pronounce what's in your food, WHY are you putting it into your body!?

Is this to say I've never consumed sodium erythorbate or microcrystalline cellulose before? No. Hell no. But given the option, I'll take REAL food over processed. Sometimes I don't have the option to choose real foods*... if I'm having dinner at a friend's house, do you think I ask if I can pronounce all the ingredients she used? No. I'm a healthy eater, not a bitch. So this month (or at least what's left) I will blog about my insights on food choices as a health-conscious, non-bitchy (for the most part..) eater.

Stay tuned.. -a.

*I could pull the "I'm a busy girl and have to grab what's the fastest" card right now but I RARELY have to play that way because I plan ahead. I am seriously perplexed when people don't take the time to plan what foods they allow in their body. This might sound like I'm getting preachy, and maybe I am? but what is more important than what you eat? And how much time does it really take to put some veggies in a baggie and hummus in a container? Or to grab an apple and string cheese? Throw some nuts in your purse (or car if you're a dude?) and you'll always be prepared with a healthy go-to snack.

Recognition

I think it is significant to post, and recognize, how happy I already am in my day-to-day life, while getting to know thyself better in January.

I find joy in my morning coffee and a whole day of healthful eating (I also find joy in ice cream, cupcakes, and cookies.. constant contradictions, I know). Waking up in the Winter with the heater on, or a beer in my hand and Sublime playing in the background during Summer, are perfect ways to start and spend my days. I can be satisfyingly entertained for hours watching my Sex and the City (seasons 1-6) or Friends (seasons 1-10) DVDs. A clean house, new mascara, and getting compliments from my dentist for flossing everyday all leave me ecstatic. But today I recognized a major source of happiness comes from my friends.

I mean "major" like, driving down 280 wondering how I scored so many karma points in a previous life to have such amaze-ball people in this one...!

I started my day with coffee, a few travel plans, and some laughs with a "friend," but really more of a sister. This was in San Jose, where half of my life; school, boyfriend, half of my social network, are located. Then I was on 280 N, on my way to the Peninsula for a hair appointment, where the other half of my life; home, work, the other half of my social network, are located. On my drive, I recognized how happy I am to have a friend that I consider a sister.

It's no myth that a girl's hair dresser is near and dear to her heart, but my hair dresser is extra special. I've known her since I was a freshmen in high school-needless to say, she was the first person I drank, smoked, and snuck out of the house with.. But with life doing what it always seems to do, get it the way, I haven't seen her in a while. So 2 hours later, with no roots and updates on her life, I recognized for the second time in one day how happy my friends make me.

If only I had enough hours in a day to get coffee, breakfast, lunch, (more coffee?) and dinner with all of my friends everyday... while exploiting any talent they have in-between ;) ..........

I don't though, because this life keeps me busy. But it's good to recognize how happy they make my life.

Stay tuned.. -a.

Ballz to the wall

I had to ask myself how personal I wanted to get before writing this post... I mentioned in my first post that my boyfriend has yet to make me cry (we've been together a year at the end of this month, by the way) and this is still true. He is a stellar human being. But even his awesomeness and my awesomeness ;) combined do not create perfection. This is obvious. No relationship is perfect, but do I want to write about the flaws I bring to it on my Blog? Well, yes.

I've revamped "anything worth doing, is worth doing well." My version: "anything worth doing, is worth doing ballz to the wall." So, ballz to the wall, here is what happened last night:

There are times when I become completely emotionally irrational. Sadly, in these times, nothing can cure, calm, or satisfy the insanity. I have identified this happiness setback in an effort to know thyself better in January.

Boyfriends past and present have had to deal with my unsatisfiable (and maybe unjust?) disposition. Little could be done to appease my miserable mood, but I've still expected an attempt. I would prod and pry for the right combination of words to satisfy my mood. But a secret string of words to brighten my mood didn't, doesn't, exist. If I'm an unsatisfiable mood, I can't be satisfied. It's unfortunate and undesirable but I know it's a part of my reality.

So, last night, after a deeper-than-average-nighttime-conversation about our relationship, when my boyfriend told me, "I won't hurt you," and I was reassured, yes, but still deeply unsatisfied, I decided to simply believe him and go to sleep. Because that's all I could do.

My objective for beginning the conversation was unclear to me; what response was I even looking for? It's unlikely that anything he could have said would have satisfied me but I recognized this. I didn't dig for more answers that would leave me unimpressed. I recognized my mood, put things into perspective, and decided believing him when he said he wouldn't hurt me was good enough. I wasn't satisfied, I couldn't be, but it was good enough. Believing him and falling asleep were my most mature options, so I took them. Know thyself better.

Stay tuned.. -a.

The first learning

The point of my monthly life improvements is to become happier overall.. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit I was beginning to think "know thyself" wasn't the best starting point for 12 Months of Happiness in 2012. There was a sense of confusion in my last post. I didn't exactly understand how getting to know myself better could help me become happier... Until this weekend...

It started Friday morning. I was leaving for the weekend for a snowboarding adventure on man made snow with my boyfriend and our double-dating-duo friends. The plan was to embark on our travels at 1PM. I was excited to sleep in, roll out of bed, and head to Reno but instead, I was asked to drop off the kids I babysit at school. No big deal- I now had time to grab coffee with a best friend instead of staying in a mess of tangled sheets all morning.

Here is where knowing myself better gave me a chance to have a happier coffee-sipping-catch-up-sesh.

So the thing about this best friend is she takes forever to get out of the house and well, it annoys me. I become sassy and snappy when she isn't ready to go. So on Friday morning, after I dropped off the kiddos and was on my way to her house for our coffee date, I thought to myself, I know she isn't going to be ready when I get there and I know it's going to bother me. I'm just going to be sitting there, and waiting and waiting, while she is still getting ready and I'll just be sitting there, becoming more and more annoyed, and no matter how many times I tell her we have to GO, I'll still be sitting there, waiting, becoming bitter... unless (!) I decide not to.

I know myself, and I know I'll become impatient if I'm just sitting and waiting so maybe, I thought, I'll bring my book and read... except, shit, I forgot my book at home. (Note to self: bring book next time.) So with no book, but a better sense of my annoyance tolerance, I knocked on her door and was prepared to wait and not be annoyed. Turns out, Unwrapped was on the Food Network and I was perfectly content catching the last 15 minutes of their Peanut Butter Bites episode until she was ready. After, we enjoyed a pleasant drive to Starbucks, sans sassy and snappy Ashley. Overall, it was a happier experience because I got to know myself better.

I wish I could report that my epiphany of trying to change my actions and attitude when I was forced to sit and wait for other people stuck until even today (Monday) but, unfortunately, my realization was short lived. Just a few hours after coffee it was 1PM and we weren't on the road to Reno.

"Have they picked you up yet? We had to leave 10 minutes ago." I snapped at my boyfriend when it was 1:10 and I was still sitting on my bed, waiting...

They were running late. I was getting moody. I could feel myself tensing up as the minutes passed. I was stressed over hitting traffic and arriving late for dinner. I was already failing at staying in a happier state of mind...

When they eventually picked me up I was irritated. I tried to hide it, in an effort to start a 4 hour drive without tension, but only they know if I succeed... I made a minor detail of our trip a huge deal. We didn't have to leave at 1PM, that was just the time I wanted us to leave. And as it turns out, I lived. Even though we left "late." We hit minimal traffic, still went out dinner, and had an awesome weekend (minus my face first fall off the ski lift...).

Do I still need to work on trying to control my happiness when people are running a little late. Definitely. Will it always be a success? Hopefully... but probably not. However, the odds are better for a positive outcome after getting to "know thyself."

Stay tuned.. -a.